Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson have identified 9 BASIC FEARS that they believe shape our personalities.
--(Source: The Wisdom of the Enneagram)
1. Fear of being bad, corrupt, evil or defective
2. Fear of being unworthy of being loved
3. Fear or being worthless or without inherent value
4. Fear of being without identity or personal significance
5. Fear of being useless, incapable or incompetent
6. Fear of being without support or guidance
7. Fear of being deprived or trapped in pain
8. Fear of being harmed or controlled by others
9. Fear of loss of connection, of fragmentation.
Which of these 9 fears do you know or suspect to be
your basic fear(s)? Write down examples or situations in which
you experience these fears
Once we've identified our basic fear (or a fear of anything), we
can begin to move through it. It helps to know that fears always
arise from A MISUNDERSTANDING OF WHO WE REALLY ARE. Our soul is
fearless because it knows that nothing can threaten our true
nature.
APPROVE OF YOURSELF.
We all want to be loved. It's natural, then, that we want others
to accept us. There's no harm in this unless it leads us to
behave in ways that deny who we are.
For example:
- Do you often go along with what someone else is saying or doing
without voicing your own preferences?
- Do you tend to reject your own feelings and opinions about
something when you find that someone else sees things
differently?
- Do you compromise your own desires and needs for the desires of
others?
The very fact that I WANT APPROVAL from others means that I
believe I LACK APPROVAL. And this means that I DON'T APPROVE OF
MYSELF.
I need to be alert for those times when I reject my own thoughts
or feelings in favour of those of others. When I become aware
that I'm doing this, I can STOP and GET IN TOUCH WITH MY OWN
THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. I can allow them to be there. I can give
my own view of the world the same RESPECT I give to others.
Experiment with SPEAKING YOUR OWN TRUTH. It brings inner power.
EXERCISE: To build up your self worth, create an APPRECIATION
LIST of what you admire about yourself and of what others admire
in you. Write at least 25 strengths, gifts, talents, qualities
and virtues you have. Add to it and review it often.
"The finest thing in the world is knowing how to belong to
oneself." -- Michel de Montaigne
"Accept everything about yourself -- I mean everything. You are
you and that is the beginning and the end -- no apologies, no
regrets." -- Clark Moustakas
Author Dan Millman says, "...our sense of self-worth is the
single most important determinant of the health, abundance, and
joy we allow into our lives."
In truth, each of us is innately worthy. Our worthiness does not
have to be strengthened or improved.
I may not PERCEIVE myself to be worthy, however. If I doubt my
self-worth, consciously or unconsciously, I will limit the good things
I will allow into my life. Subconsciously, I will choose or attract
into
my life what I believe I deserve and nothing more.
EXERCISE: Your self-worth reflects your overall sense of your own
value. Our exercise today asks you to explore this question: HOW
DESERVING AM I?
It may help to ponder these questions:
- Do you find it easier to give than to receive?
- Do you have as much money as you would like?
- Do you feel driven to improve yourself?
- Do you value other people's time more highly than your own?
- How would you feel if someone offered to pay you a salary of 10
million/year?
Take some time to answer these questions and write your thoughts
in your journal. If you discover you have set limits on what you
deserve to receive in life, don't despair. (We all doubt our
self-worth to some degree.) Being aware that we have set limits
is a huge step forward in beginning to let them go.
"I have never been contained except I made the prison."
-- Mary Evans
"Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them."
-- Brendan Francis
LABEL YOUR FEELINGS.
"Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge."
-- Audre Lorde
Today's world values thinking over feeling. As a result, we have
lost awareness of our feelings and emotions. This is unfortunate,
for our feelings are powerful keys to self-knowledge. They tell us
of our likes and dislikes, of our needs and motivations,
of safety and danger, of our values and passions.
EXERCISE: Write down the main emotions you experienced in the
last few weeks. Do this before doing the next part of the
exercise.
Now please see our list of 200 emotions and feelings at
http://www.higherawareness.com/lists/emotions.shtml. Write down
words that more accurately describe the feelings and emotions
you've had recently. The more clearly we can identify our
feelings, the more clearly we understand ourselves. And this is
very important - 'know thyself' is the purpose of our life
journeys.
Over the next few days, set an intention to be more aware of what
you are feeling. Take a moment each time emotions arise to really
experience them. DON'T JUDGE any emotion as good or bad. Just
feel it, identify it and stay with the emotion until you receive
its message and it disappears. You'll be surprised at how quickly
this happens.
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you
apologize for truth." -- Benjamin Disraeli
posted by ramakrishnan @ 6:53 PM
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