DOES FEAR RULE YOU?Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson have identified 9 BASIC FEARS that they believe shape our personalities.
--(Source: The Wisdom of the Enneagram)
1. Fear of being bad, corrupt, evil or defective
2. Fear of being unworthy of being loved
3. Fear or being worthless or without inherent value
4. Fear of being without identity or personal significance
5. Fear of being useless, incapable or incompetent
6. Fear of being without support or guidance
7. Fear of being deprived or trapped in pain
8. Fear of being harmed or controlled by others
9. Fear of loss of connection, of fragmentation.
Which of these 9 fears do you know or suspect to be
your basic fear(s)? Write down examples or situations in which
you experience these fears
Once we've identified our basic fear (or a fear of anything), we
can begin to move through it. It helps to know that fears always
arise from A MISUNDERSTANDING OF WHO WE REALLY ARE. Our soul is
fearless because it knows that nothing can threaten our true
nature.
APPROVE OF YOURSELF.
We all want to be loved. It's natural, then, that we want others
to accept us. There's no harm in this unless it leads us to
behave in ways that deny who we are.
For example:
- Do you often go along with what someone else is saying or doing
without voicing your own preferences?
- Do you tend to reject your own feelings and opinions about
something when you find that someone else sees things
differently?
- Do you compromise your own desires and needs for the desires of
others?
The very fact that I WANT APPROVAL from others means that I
believe I LACK APPROVAL. And this means that I DON'T APPROVE OF
MYSELF.
I need to be alert for those times when I reject my own thoughts
or feelings in favour of those of others. When I become aware
that I'm doing this, I can STOP and GET IN TOUCH WITH MY OWN
THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. I can allow them to be there. I can give
my own view of the world the same RESPECT I give to others.
Experiment with SPEAKING YOUR OWN TRUTH. It brings inner power.
EXERCISE: To build up your self worth, create an APPRECIATION
LIST of what you admire about yourself and of what others admire
in you. Write at least 25 strengths, gifts, talents, qualities
and virtues you have. Add to it and review it often.
"The finest thing in the world is knowing how to belong to
oneself." -- Michel de Montaigne
"Accept everything about yourself -- I mean everything. You are
you and that is the beginning and the end -- no apologies, no
regrets." -- Clark Moustakas
Author Dan Millman says, "...our sense of self-worth is the
single most important determinant of the health, abundance, and
joy we allow into our lives."
In truth, each of us is innately worthy. Our worthiness does not
have to be strengthened or improved.
I may not PERCEIVE myself to be worthy, however. If I doubt my
self-worth, consciously or unconsciously, I will limit the good things
I will allow into my life. Subconsciously, I will choose or attract
into
my life what I believe I deserve and nothing more.
EXERCISE: Your self-worth reflects your overall sense of your own
value. Our exercise today asks you to explore this question: HOW
DESERVING AM I?
It may help to ponder these questions:
- Do you find it easier to give than to receive?
- Do you have as much money as you would like?
- Do you feel driven to improve yourself?
- Do you value other people's time more highly than your own?
- How would you feel if someone offered to pay you a salary of 10
million/year?
Take some time to answer these questions and write your thoughts
in your journal. If you discover you have set limits on what you
deserve to receive in life, don't despair. (We all doubt our
self-worth to some degree.) Being aware that we have set limits
is a huge step forward in beginning to let them go.
"I have never been contained except I made the prison."
-- Mary Evans
"Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them."
-- Brendan Francis
LABEL YOUR FEELINGS.
"Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge."
-- Audre Lorde
Today's world values thinking over feeling. As a result, we have
lost awareness of our feelings and emotions. This is unfortunate,
for our feelings are powerful keys to self-knowledge. They tell us
of our likes and dislikes, of our needs and motivations,
of safety and danger, of our values and passions.
EXERCISE: Write down the main emotions you experienced in the
last few weeks. Do this before doing the next part of the
exercise.
Now please see our list of 200 emotions and feelings at
http://www.higherawareness.com/lists/emotions.shtml. Write down
words that more accurately describe the feelings and emotions
you've had recently. The more clearly we can identify our
feelings, the more clearly we understand ourselves. And this is
very important - 'know thyself' is the purpose of our life
journeys.
Over the next few days, set an intention to be more aware of what
you are feeling. Take a moment each time emotions arise to really
experience them. DON'T JUDGE any emotion as good or bad. Just
feel it, identify it and stay with the emotion until you receive
its message and it disappears. You'll be surprised at how quickly
this happens.
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you
apologize for truth." -- Benjamin Disraeli
ZigOn Personality My dictionary tells me that personality is the "personal or individual quality that makes one person be different and act differently from another." Personality is "the total physical, intellectual and emotional structure of an individual, including abilities, interests and attitudes."
Personality is the sum total of all of our qualities. With this in mind, let's explore the benefits and ramifications of a pleasing personality.
Today at lunch . . . one of the hostesses came by and, with a pleasant smile, asked us about our meal. We commented that it was delicious, and she said, "I'm really pleased. We're glad you folks are here, eating with us." After she left I commented to my wife that she was certainly a pleasant, attractive, personable young woman and my wife wholeheartedly agreed.
Unfortunately, many people have forgotten that we can choose to smile and be pleasant or to frown and be rude and thoughtless. Regrettably, too many people make the wrong choice and, as a result, their personality makes them come across as someone we don't want as a friend or co-worker.
There is only one opportunity to make a first impression and all of us instinctively make decisions or judgments about an individual within the first few seconds of crossing paths. With that in mind, I believe that when we teach our kids to smile, to be pleasant and cheerful, to be courteous and respectful of others, to pleasantly respond to requests or questions, we are helping them develop a personality that will open many doors for them. Once the doors are opened, only character will keep them open, so it's even more important to give that personality a character foundation.
. . . From Zig Ziglar's popular book, STAYING UP, UP, UP IN A DOWN, DOWN WORLD.
Rules For Success From A Motivating Taxi Driver --By Zig Ziglar
One morning in Houston, Texas, I caught a taxi (to go to a breakfast meeting) and during a short ride I heard one of the finest sales talks on America and free enterprise that I ever heard. The cab driver had been a professional health care provider in his native Nigeria, but he preferred living in a free society, with the opportunity to do what he pleased, and so he was very excited about being a cab driver in Houston.
During our conversation my immigrant friend quickly turned to motivator and his enthusiasm led him to give me some rules for success! I offer them here so that you might benefit from them, too.
1. Pay your bills.
2. Obey the laws.
3. Keep your eyes on God. God is in charge.
4. Run from lazy, crooked people.
5. Make your workplace your home.
6. Love and honor your boss.
7. Keep your promises.
8. Mind your own business.
I was motivated by the cab driver who was excited about his dream and having the opportunity to live it. He had set his goal long ago. He was living his dream. He wasn't waiting until he could get into something better; he was performing with the opportunity he had. He was happy with what he had and was enthusiastically giving life his best shot. That, my friend, is marvelous preparation for a better tomorrow!
. . . Adapted from SUCCESS FOR DUMMEIES by Zig Ziglar
learn more about yourself You want to choose an occupation that fits your unique qualities -- your abilities, talents, needs, values, and interests -- and the life-style you want to live
Knowing your "unique qualities" is not easy. It is a challenge for everyone. But, the clearer picture you have, the more likely you are to choose a satisfying career. Here are eight strategies you will find helpful:
1.Take tests or inventories that measure your abilities, interests, values, and personality. Write out your reactions to the results.
2.Look at your course work and other achievements. Which subjects have you done well in, or not so well in? What does this tell you about your abilities -- mechanical aptitude, verbal ability, numerical ability, and so on? Write your analysis down.
3.Examine how you use your leisure time. What does it suggest about your abilities? Interests? Values?
4.Talk with a friend or family member who is a good listener.
5.Talk with a professional counselor; learn about career counseling.
6.Identify your skills, especially those you enjoy using, your motivated skills.
7.Write an autobiography and identify the themes that represent who you are.
8.Write a personal mission statement. In it write: what you want to be, what you want to accomplish in life, and what values or principles you want to guide you.
Emotions and FeelingsHow well can you identify your emotions, your feelings? Go through this list and underline what best describes how you feel now. If you like, you can then highlight the qualities to which you aspire. If you do not know the definition of a word, look it up so you will gain new awareness of the possibilities open to you.
How/what do you feel?
absorbed
abusive
accepting
accommodating
accomplished
adaptable
adversarial
aggressive
agreeable
alert
altruistic
analytical
angry
annoyed
antagonistic
anxious
approved of
arrogant
ashamed
authentic
balanced
beautiful
belligerent
bereft
bitter
bored
brave
broken down
bullied
calm
chaotic
cheerful
cold
commanding
compassionate
competitive
complaining
conceited
condemned
confident
conflicted
confused
conservative
content
controlled
controlling
cooperative
courageous
cowardly
creative
critical
cruel
curious
defeated
deluded
demanding
dependent
depressed
desperate
destitute
destructive
detached
dignified
disconnected
discouraged
disgusted
dominated
dominating
eccentric
ecstatic
egocentric
egotistical
empathic
empowered
envious
erratic
excited
expressive
extroverted
fair
faithful
fearful
frightened
frustrated
glad
good
grateful
greedy
grieving
guilty
happy
harmonizing
hatred
helpful
helpless
hesitant
hopeless
idealistic
ignorant
impatient
important
impoverished
impulsive
indifferent
individualistic
inert
insecure
insensitive
inspired
in service
interested
intolerant
introspective
invulnerable
irresponsible
irritated
isolated
jealous
joyful
judged
judgmental
lazy
likable
lively
lonely
lost
loved
loving
mad
manipulated
manipulative
mediating
miserable
mistrusting
moody
moral
negative
noble
obsessed
open
panicked
paranoid
passionate
passive
peaceful
perfectionist
pitiful
pleased
poor
possessive
powerful
practical
preoccupied
procrastinating
proud
punished
punishing
purposeful
rage
reactionary
reclusive
rejected
rejoicing
repressed
resentful
resigned
resistant
responsible
ridiculous
righteous
ruthless
sad
sadistic
secretive
selfish
self-accepting
self-condemning
self-defeating
self-destructive
self-hatred
self-obsessed
self-pity
self-sabotaging
sensitive
serene
shamed
shut-down
shy
sorry
stable
stimulated
stricken
strung-out
stubborn
superior
tantrums
timid
tolerant
unconcerned
understanding
unforgiving
unhappy
unresponsive
untrusting
vain
vengeance
vicious
victimized
violent
visionary
well-meaning
wise
withdrawn
worthy
The Qualities Of Skillful Leadership -By Jim Rohn
If you want to be a leader who attracts quality people, the key is to become a person of quality yourself. Leadership is the ability to attract someone to the gifts, skills, and opportunities you offer as an owner, as a manager, as a parent. I call leadership the great challenge of life.
What's important in leadership is refining your skills. All great leaders keep working on themselves until they become effective. Here are some specifics:
1. Learn to be strong but not rude. It is an extra step you must take to become a powerful, capable leader with a wide range of reach. Some people mistake rudeness for strength. It's not even a good substitute.
2. Learn to be kind but not weak. We must not mistake kindness for weakness. Kindness isn't weak. Kindness is a certain type of strength. We must be kind enough to tell somebody the truth. We must be kind enough and considerate enough to lay it on the line. We must be kind enough to tell it like it is and not deal in delusion.
3. Learn to be bold but not a bully. It takes boldness to win the day. To build your influence, you've got to walk in front of your group. You've got to be willing to take the first arrow, tackle the first problem, discover the first sign of trouble.
4. You've got to learn to be humble, but not timid. You can't get to the high life by being timid. Some people mistake timidity for humility. Humility is almost a God-like word. A sense of awe. A sense of wonder. An awareness of the human soul and spirit. An understanding that there is something unique about the human drama versus the rest of life. Humility is a grasp of the distance between us and the stars, yet having the feeling that we're part of the stars. So humility is a virtue; but timidity is a disease. Timidity is an affliction. It can be cured, but it is a problem.
5. Be proud but not arrogant. It takes pride to win the day. It takes pride to build your ambition. It takes pride in community. It takes pride in cause, in accomplishment. But the key to becoming a good leader is being proud without being arrogant. In fact, I believe the worst kind of arrogance is arrogance from ignorance. It's when you don't know that you don't know. Now that kind of arrogance is intolerable. If someone is smart and arrogant, we can tolerate that. But if someone is ignorant and arrogant, that's just too much to take.
6. Develop humor without folly. That's important for a leader. In leadership, we learn that it's okay to be witty, but not silly. It's okay to be fun, but not foolish.
7. Lastly, deal in realities. Deal in truth. Save yourself the agony. Just accept life like it is. Life is unique. Some people call it tragic, but I'd like to think it's unique. The whole drama of life is unique. It's fascinating. And I've found that the skills that work well for one leader may not work at all for another. But the fundamental skills of leadership can be adapted to work well for just about everyone: at work, in the community, and at home.
TreasuresThere are treasures in life,
but owners are few
Of money and power
to buy things brand new.
Yet you can be wealthy
and feel regal too,
If you will just look
for the treasures in you.
These treasures in life
are not hard to find
When you look in your heart,
your soul, and your mind.
For when you are willing
to share what's within,
Your fervent search
for riches will end.
The joy and the laughter,
the smile that you bring;
The heart unafraid
to love and to sing;
The hand always willing
to help those in need;
Ones quick to reach out,
to labor and fee.
So thank you for sharing
these great gifts inside;
The caring, the cheering,
the hug when one cried.
Thanks for the energy,
encouragement too,
And thank you for sharing
the treasures in you.
source:www.positivethoughts.com
"My Wish For You"
" I wish for you"
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm you heart,
Gentle hugs when spirits sag,
Friendship to brighten your being,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Faith so you can believe,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
And "LOVE" To complete your life.
source:www.funlaugh.com
